Life is Short

I carved Mr. Pumpkin 2 weeks ago when it was still warm so he rotted and now he is dead. I spent an hour trying to make a Sleepy Hollow replica that i could light on fire and throw at the annoying teenagers in my neighborhood on Halloween. Now I'm going to have to resort to putting stool softener in the popcorn balls I'm giving out this Friday. Trick or Treat!

Whassup 2008

Freaking hilarious. Thanks to Mandrake

Down to Earth and Cool

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

Look at Me, Look at Me!!!!

Ever try to get someone's attention? Or been the victim of an attention whore? This makes it all hilarious. Jennifer and Dawn rule.

Does Jesus Like the Money Shot?

A pharmacy in Arlington is denying to fill precriptions for birth control, or sell any kind of contraceptives, including condoms. The only kinds of birth control that are acceptable, according to the pharmacist's beliefs, are the rhythm method or pull-and-pray. This is okay because in Virginia you can deny any drug for any reason as long as it is against your moral beliefs. Third world countries have more sense than this. Does he fill prescriptions for Valtrex, or other STD drugs? If pull and pray is an acceptable method, should I assume that all that porno out there with girls taking a load to the face were done by fundamentalists? Does that make them Christian? Who cares. Just walk to the CVS across the street. That's what Jesus would do.

This or the Dildo Story, How About Both?

Sid the kid's top ten goals. And thanks to Mandrake for the dildo story. Here's the link. http://www.thelocal.se/15138.html

Not What I Thought

You won't beleive what states have the highest incidence of breast cancer. follow the link to find out.

Yes, the pink ribbon wellies are a hint.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26734693/

Rudy Ray Moore dead

Maybe you remember him, maybe you don't. He was a pioneering black comedian who starred in Dolomite and other Blaxploitation movies. He had an unforgiving pimp attitude that has been copied by most of the rappers we know today. He died from complications stemming from diabetes in my hometown of Akron. RIP Rudy. I hope that all your copiers pay homage and attend your funeral.

Let's End the Day on a Happy Note

This always cracks me up.

This Could be Our Future

Think about her opinions, where she stands on issues that are important to all of us. I know she's ONLY the Vice Presidential candidate, but picking her was a decision that has taken McCain off the radar with the media focused squarely on her. That's strategery for you. She's ignorant, she's reactionary, she could end up in the driver's seat. Scared? I am.

Thanks to Gallery of the Absurd for yet another amazing illustration. Check them out. http://www.galleryoftheabsurd.com/

National City to Lay off 4,000

The Cleveland bank posted it's 5th quarter of loses this month. So watch your back at the ATM, especially if some Dick Harper/William Foster type is standing behind you.

Healthier Than Smoke

This Beluga whale is blowing bubble rings to entertain himself. I remember being in college and practicing the perfect smoke ring for hours. We'd make it into a sort of retarded competition in my dorm room. Winner gets lung cancer!!

Another way animals are smarter than people.

And yeah, I still smoke. ugh

Speaking of Idiots..

He's blind!!!

Dey Shore Do Make 'em Smart Down Thar

Miss Louisiana Teen USA decided she wanted to go out for a meal with a couple of pals the other night. Then she decided she didn't want to pay for the meal. Then she decided to forget her purse in said restaurant which she went back to get, at which time I assume she decided to get arrested since she had already decided to put some weed in her purse before she left home.

Just a day of bad decisions, y'all.

It's Kim Kardassjizzian's Birthday!

Someone Better Get a Bodyguard

Punk ass Nick Hogan got out of jail just past midnight and was whisked away to a loud, boisterous party at his mother's house in Clearwater, florida. Where was John Graziano, the guy he turned into a vegetable by hitting a tree at over 100 mph? Yeah, I know. he wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

Well, he was lying in a hospital bed, in a perma-coma, missing a third of skull. And no, THOSE DON'T GROW BACK. And you don't recover if only you try really, really hard, and pray while people sing Kumbaya to you. So you better get some serious security kiddo, or someone with the surname Graziano might just eff your day up real bad.

Watch Out Miley, This Could Be You

What is it with child stars having totally effed up lives? Once you've outstayed your welcome by growing chin pubes or going through that awkward phase you might as well skip the debauchery and head right for Betty Ford.

Anyway, some former child actor named Skylar Deleon tricked a middle aged couple into showing him their boat, forced them to sign over the deed, then tied them to an anchor and threw them overboard. Yes, he appeared on Disney. What do they put in the Koolaid there? PCP?

Bjork Can Sleep at Night Again

"Worst Dressed List" creator Mr. Blackwell has died from complications stemming from an intestinal infection at the age of 86. He hasn't been relevant for a while, gofugyourself has taken that role over quite nicely. He scewered every one from Princess Diana to Sharon Stone whom he called "An over the hill Cruella DeVille." You have to wonder if anyone in Hollywood is going to attend that funeral.

Here's Some Good News

Ratchet is going home, finally. Sgt. Gwen Beberg's fellow soldiers found this puppy in a burning trash pile and it's been helping her cope with the ordeal of being in Iraq. A fellow blogger started a petition to get the dog to her in Minnesota, and it worked! Operation Baghdad Pups (part of the SPCA) got Northwest Airlines to do it for free. Now if only they'd help get the rest of the soldiers' puppies back home with them.

Best Costume Evah

For those of you who dress up your pets, I found this one over at Cute Overlaod. This gives me an idea for Christmas...

Steelers Win 38-10

The first three quarters were pissing me off with the craptacular skills displyed by all. Then, do I need to say it? Because I can't. I was outside helping prepare the pond for the winter and missed everything. I guess I'll have to watch Sportscenter tomorrow morning. By the way, Hines Ward rules! Fines be damned!

Hi Lorne Hi Tina

99% of Washington Would be on Death Row

A Beijing official was sentenced to death for corruption stemming from contracts related to the Summer Olympics. If he's very, very good he'll get life in prison instead. Can't we implement this law here? Just sayin'.

More Douchebagerie

Don Cornelius was arrested on suspician of domestic violence last night. The former Soul Train host is 72. 72! And he's beatin a bitch down? Say it aint so.